Key Takeaways: Resilience helps you bounce back from stress, and both your genes and life experiences play a role in how you handle it. Certain genes like COMT, BDNF, and FKBP5 may affect how your brain and body respond to stress. Your early life, lifestyle, and mental health history also shape your stress response. Epigenetics shows that stress can change how your genes work, but these changes aren’t permanent. You can build resilience by improving daily habits, learning coping skills, and getting support through therapy. Having even two caring people in your life can make a big difference in how you handle stress. Resilience is what helps us keep going when life gets hard. It's how we recover from stress, adapt to change, and move forward after difficult experiences. In therapy , building resilience is a big part of healing. But where does it come from? Some people seem to bounce back more easily than others. Is that something they learned, or were they born with it? New research suggests that our genes may play a role in how we respond to stress. Certain gene patterns could make us more or less sensitive to life’s challenges. At the same time, our environment and experiences matter too. This mix of nature and nurture shapes how we cope. Let’s take a closer look at how your genetics might influence your ability to handle stress, and how that knowledge can help support your growth. Genes That Are Involved in Stress Tolerance Some people stay calm under pressure. Others feel overwhelmed more easily. Part of this may come from our genes. Research shows that certain genes can affect how we respond to stress. They may influence how our brain and body react when we feel under pressure. Let’s look at a few key genes that scientists have studied. COMT (Catechol-O-Methyltransferase) The COMT gene controls how your brain clears away a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is important for your mood, focus, and how you handle challenges. You need just the right amount, not too much and not too little. Think of dopamine like a message in your brain that helps you stay alert and solve problems. COMT works like a clean-up crew that comes in and removes extra dopamine when you're done using it. People have different versions of this gene: Fast COMT: Clears away dopamine quickly. These people may feel calmer and think more clearly under stress because their brain doesn’t get overwhelmed with too much information at once. Slow COMT: Clears away dopamine slowly. These people may have more dopamine in stressful moments, which can make them feel anxious, distracted, or tense, especially in high-pressure situations. Neither version is “good” or “bad.” They just affect how your brain works when life gets stressful. BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor) The BDNF gene makes a protein that helps your brain cells grow, stay strong, and connect with each other. This protein is called Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor, but BDNF is easier to say. BDNF is especially important when you’re learning something new or recovering from stress. It helps your brain “bounce back” by forming new connections and repairing damage. People have different versions of the BDNF gene, too: Some versions help the brain make more of this protein. That makes it easier for the brain to adapt, grow, and heal after something stressful. Other versions make less of the protein, which can slow down recovery and make it harder to adjust when things change quickly or feel overwhelming. If someone has the version that makes less BDNF, they may need more time, support, or therapy to recover from difficult experiences. But healing is still very possible. FKBP5 (FK506 Binding Protein 5) The FKBP5 gene helps manage how your body uses cortisol, a hormone your body releases when you feel stressed or afraid. Cortisol helps your body respond in emergencies, like speeding up your heart, tightening your muscles, and helping you focus. But after the stress is over, your body needs to calm back down. FKBP5 helps with that by telling your body when to lower the cortisol levels. Some versions of FKBP5 work in a way that makes the stress response stronger or last longer: People with these versions may feel more sensitive to stress and take longer to feel calm again. They might also feel more affected by things like trauma, big life changes, or repeated stress over time. This doesn’t mean they’re weak. It just means their body stays in “stress mode” longer than others, and they may need more tools or support to feel better. Factors That Affect Stress-Proneness in Individuals Many things can shape how you respond to stress. Your genes play a part, but they don’t tell the whole story. Your life, your habits, and your past also matter. Let’s look at what can make someone more or less stress-prone. Genetics Genes affect how the body and brain respond to stress. These are instructions in your body that help control how you think, feel, and react. Some genes tell the brain to stay alert longer. Others help it calm down more quickly. For example, certain gene types, like COMT, BDNF, and FKBP5, can make a person more or less sensitive to stress. One person might have a version of a gene that clears stress chemicals from the brain slowly. That can make stressful situations feel bigger or last longer. Another person might have a gene that helps their brain return to normal more quickly, so they feel calmer after the same situation. This difference doesn’t mean one person is stronger than another. It just means their bodies respond in different ways. Early Life Experiences The way a person learns to handle stress often starts in childhood. In your early years, your brain is still growing and figuring out how the world works. During this time, your body also learns how to respond to stress. If you felt safe, loved, and cared for, especially by people you trusted, your brain learned that stress could be managed and that support was available. This helped build strong coping skills for later in life. Feeling safe could mean someone listened when you were upset, comforted you when you were scared, or helped you solve problems. These kinds of support teach children that stress doesn’t last forever and that they can ask for help when things get hard. On the other hand, if you experienced trauma, like being hurt, ignored, or surrounded by chaos, your brain may have learned to stay alert all the time. That’s because it didn’t feel safe. This can make stress feel overwhelming as you grow up, even in situations that aren’t dangerous. The “Rule of Two”, which says that children who have at least two trusted, supportive adults in their life are more likely to grow up emotionally strong, even if they face hard times. These relationships might be with parents, teachers, relatives, or anyone who shows care and consistency. Lifestyle The way you live each day shapes how your brain and body respond to stress. Even small habits, like what time you go to sleep or how often you move your body, can make a big difference in how you feel. Sleep is one of the most important parts. When you don’t get enough sleep, your brain has a harder time calming down. You may feel more upset, more tired, or less able to handle problems. Studies show that people who sleep less than 6 hours a night often feel more anxious and stressed during the day. Food also affects how your brain works. Eating lots of sugar or skipping meals can cause big changes in your energy and mood. But eating foods with healthy fats, protein, and vitamins, like fish, nuts, fruits, and vegetables can help your brain stay balanced and focused. Movemen t helps too. Regular exercise, even something as simple as walking, releases chemicals in your brain like endorphins and serotonin. These chemicals help improve mood and reduce stress. Exercise also helps you sleep better, which is another way it supports mental health. Mental Health History and Environment Past mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or trauma can change how the brain reacts to stress. When the brain goes through repeated stress or emotional pain, it can become more sensitive to pressure later in life. This means the brain may react quickly, even during situations that feel manageable to others. For example, a person who has lived through trauma might feel panic during loud noises or fast changes in routine. Someone who has faced long-term sadness may feel tired, hopeless, or unmotivated when problems come up. These responses are based on the brain’s past experience and how it learned to protect itself. Stress levels are also affected by the environment a person lives in. Loud or unsafe neighborhoods, crowded housing, unhealthy relationships, or job instability can all create constant pressure. When these stressors continue over time, they can exhaust the brain and body. Keeping track of changes in sleep, energy, focus, or mood helps people understand their stress patterns. Paying attention to these signs can show when it’s time to reach out for help or make small changes to feel more stable and supported. Strengthening Resilience Beyond Your Genes Some people are born with genes that help them stay calm under stress. Others are more sensitive. But no matter what your genes say, resilience is something you can still build. You're not stuck with one way of reacting forever. The brain can change over time. This is called plasticity. It means the brain can learn new patterns, build new habits, and get stronger at handling stress, even after hard experiences. Therapy and daily routines can help the brain create these changes. Resilience can come from both nature and experience. Some people may start out with traits that make them more steady. Others may need more support to get there. But both paths are valid. Facing hard things, like grief, failure, or trauma, can sometimes help a person grow stronger. This doesn't mean trauma is good or helpful. But with the right care, people can learn from it and build new skills over time. Therapists often teach tools that help build resilience, such as: Practicing calm breathing or mindfulness Learning how to name and understand emotions Creating structure and routines Setting boundaries in relationships Replacing negative thoughts with more helpful ones Building resilience doesn’t always happen quickly. Some people may take longer, especially if they carry past pain or live in a stressful environment. But every small step, getting enough sleep, talking to someone you trust, practicing new coping skills, can help. Your Genes Are Just the Prologue, You Get to Write the Rest Genetics may explain why certain situations feel harder or why recovery takes longer for some people than others. But genes don’t tell the whole story. They don’t predict how you will cope tomorrow, or how you might grow in the years ahead. Resilience grows over time, shaped by daily choices, personal experiences, and the support around you. Some people build it through trusted relationships, therapy, or small habits like movement, rest, or reflection. Others may need more time, more help, or a different approach, and that’s okay. There is no single way to become more resilient. Understanding your own stress response, including your genetic tendencies, can help you find the tools that fit your needs. Whether that means seeking therapy, adjusting routines, or building new coping skills, your progress doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Your genes may open the story, but what follows is shaped by how you care for yourself and the support you choose to receive.
The brain has three main executive functions: working memory (which helps you remember what you’re doing at the present moment), cognitive flexibility (which helps you shift your thinking from one topic to another), and inhibition control (which helps you focus and stop yourself from saying and doing certain things). Executive dysfunction disrupts these functions, making it difficult for someone to manage their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. What Causes Executive Dysfunction? Researchers are still working to determine exactly what causes executive dysfunction, but studies suggest that it can result from various conditions, including: Addiction Alzheimer’s disease Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) Autism spectrum disorder Brain tumors Cerebral hypoxia Exposure to certain toxins Dementia Depression Epilepsy Head injuries Huntington’s disease Infections Multiple sclerosis (MS) Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) Schizophrenia Strokes Treatment for executive dysfunction will usually depend on the condition that caused it. What Are the Symptoms of Executive Dysfunction? Executive dysfunction can produce different symptoms in different people. If you have executive dysfunction, you may: Be easily distracted Find it hard to focus on one thing Daydream when you need to pay attention Focus too much on one thing Lack impulse control Have a hard time explaining your thought processes Struggle to motivate yourself to start difficult or boring tasks Have trouble planning or completing tasks Get easily interrupted partway through tasks Find it difficult to move from one task to another Learn More About Executive Dysfunction If you think you might be experiencing executive dysfunction, we encourage you to reach out and schedule an appointment. Our experienced therapists understand the impact that executive dysfunction can have on a person’s life, and we would love the opportunity to help you overcome the challenges you’re currently facing. Contact us today to get started.
You may have heard about the benefits of setting boundaries with family, friends, and coworkers—by communicating your needs and wants, you can boost your self-esteem, prioritize your mental and emotional health, and improve your overall well-being. In the long run, boundaries can also enhance the relationships you have with those around you since they can help you feel respected instead of resentful. But did you know that there are numerous types of boundaries? Here are three of the most common: Physical boundaries – You communicate how you want to be touched and how much personal space you need. For example, you can let a colleague know that you’d rather shake hands instead of hugging or kissing. This doesn’t just apply to your body, either—you can also let your in-laws know that you don’t feel comfortable having them enter your bedroom while they’re babysitting. Material boundaries – You communicate when you’re willing to lend out money and possessions and how you want them to be treated. For instance, you can let a friend know that you can’t afford to lend them more than $100. Or, you can tell your son that he can only borrow your car if he returns it with a full tank of gas. Time boundaries – You communicate how you want to use your time. For example, you can tell your boss that you can’t stay past the end of your scheduled workday. Or, you can ask your spouse to refrain from calling and texting while you’re having dinner with friends except in case of an emergency. Start Setting Boundaries in Your Life If you need help implementing any of the boundaries described above, contact us today and ask to schedule a consultation with one of the skilled therapists on our team. We understand the many benefits that healthy boundaries can offer, and we’ll work with you to identify the steps you’ll need to take to set them in your life.
It’s well known that the teen years are the most trying time for parents. It may seem like their rebellion is personal, and that they’re determined to make your home life miserable; but in reality, this is a natural process. Your teenager is maturing both physically and emotionally, and their brain is still developing. When their frontal cortex develops in a few years, you will see a different person. Until that time however, talking to them can feel nearly impossible. Here are some tips for talking to your angry teen.  Change Your Parenting Style If you have an authoritarian parenting style, you’ll need to switch styles. An authoritarian method of parenting will cause you to butt heads with your teen, resulting in increased anger and lack of resolution. Switch your style to an authoritative style to get better reactions. An authoritative parent explains their reasoning, gives consequences while taking their child’s feelings and other circumstances into consideration, and overall puts a great deal of effort into the relationship they’re developing with their child. Frame the Conversation When it’s time to have a conversation with your teen, first frame the conversation so they know that you’re not angry. If they think you’re angry, they’re more likely to get defensive or shut down. Because they’re unable to fully control their emotions or foresee the consequences of their behavior, they’re highly reactive and will immediately become irrationally angry. To avoid this, let them know that you are irritated, disappointed, or upset, but that you’re not angry with them. Listen Overall, it’s important to keep lines of communication open with your teen. You can turn anger into dialogue by simply making an effort to listen to and understand your teen, and ensure that you heard them and understand their feelings. Trying to give advice or enforce rules can break communication down when you need it to stay open. Your teen is trying to figure out their identity as they go through many hormonal, growth and development changes that are out of their control. Understand that their anger is about asserting themselves or trying to separate themselves as an individual. This is a difficult time, and your teen needs empathy. Stay your child’s safe and secure base, so when they’ve calmed down or are growing out of this phase, they know where to come back. If you’re a parent having a difficult time with a teenager, a licensed therapist can offer support and guidance for both of you. Call my office today so we can set up a time to talk.
Back when many of us were growing up, our parents would yell at us to shut the TV off and go outside and play. Parents of generations past knew that fresh air and sunshine were ultimately healthier than watching the “boob tube.” And back then the boob tube was far gentler than it is today!  But with each passing generation of parents, the TV was not just used for entertainment, it also became the number 1 babysitter for many households. I’m sure if we’re honest, most of us would admit to sticking our kids in front of the television so we could get some work done. But there have been far too many studies that have concluded that television is harmful to our children’s development. In fact, many child psychologists and child development experts recommend that young children between the ages of 2 and 3 not be exposed to TV at all. Sadly, many parents place their young toddler in front of the TV set in hopes it will be educational for them. Just How harmful is Television to Children? It may surprise you what some studies uncovered about the effects of television viewing and children: 1. Poor Academic Performance Researchers at Columbia’s College of Physicians and Surgeons found that 14-year-olds who watched more than one hour of TV daily “were at elevated risk for poor homework completion, negative attitudes toward school, poor grades, and long-term academic failure.’’ Those kids who watched three or more hours of TV each day were at even greater risk for learning disabilities. 2. A Lower Level of Education Another study published in the American Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that “Increased time spent watching television during childhood and adolescence was associated with a lower level of educational attainment by early adulthood.’’ 3. Development of Bad Lifestyle Choices It’s not just education that is affected by TV viewing. The University of Michigan Health System has stated that kids who watch television are more likely to be overweight, smoke, have high cholesterol and suffer from sleep problems. 4. Teen Sex Other studies have found that teens who watch more sexual content on TV are twice as likely to be involved in underage pregnancy. What Can We Do? Be a model to our kids and get up from the TV and do something better with our time. Pursue hobbies and social activities and involve our kids as much as possible. Ban electronics at the dinner table. The kids who do well in school are those who learn to speak and listen to others. Keep TV and cellphones out of kids’ rooms so they don’t sneak watch when they should be sleeping. Pay attention to what our kids are watching and consider using parenting software to shield young children from sexual or violent content. While some of us older folks may think, “We watched TV growing up and we came out just fine,” it’s important to remember that TV viewing time back then was generally far less and the content was far different. If we want our kids to thrive and become the best they can be in the future, it may be time to make some adjustments right now.
Have you heard the phrase “helicopter parent?” It describes a mother or father that ‘hovers’ around their child 24/7, overseeing their life to keep them from every potential danger, pitfall and mishap. It looks good on paper, but this kind of parenting forgets one important fact of reality: life happens.  Adversity happens to all of us. Those children who engage with adversity in their formative years learn how to handle it well and come up with strategies and solutions. These are the kids that grow up to be resilient, getting right back up when life knocks them down a few pegs. Here are some ways parents can raise resilient children: Plant the Right Mindset How your child sees the world and their own potential in it directly informs how they make decisions. Teach them a positive and empowering mindset from the beginning. Teach them that failure does not exist, only learning what works and what doesn’t. Failing grades and losing games aren’t the end of the world, though they may feel like it. What really matters is the commitment and effort they put into reaching their goal. Don’t Meet Their Every Need A child will never be able to develop their own coping strategies if someone is there every second making sure they never become hurt or disappointed. Do your best to NOT overprotect your children and give them some space to figure it out all on their own. Help Your Children Connect Social children who are well connected to others feel a sense of support and resilience. Authentic relationships provide a safe space and a person to talk to about their feelings. Help socialize your child as soon as possible so they can form deep connections on their own as they grow. Let Them Take Some Risks All parents want to keep their kids safe, but there comes a point when you’ve got to let go a bit and let them learn HOW to be safe on their own. For instance, one day your child will need to get their driver’s license. You can help that older child be a safe driver by allowing their younger self to ride their bicycle around the neighborhood. This will teach them to pay attention, look both ways, etc. Teach Them the Right Skills Instead of focusing on the ‘danger’ or uncomfortableness of a situation, teach your child how to navigate it. For instance, if he or she is going away to summer camp for the first time, brainstorm some ideas of how they can learn to be comfortable away from home. Pack their favorite blanket. Talk to them about calling you at certain times to check in. Teach them how to solve their own problems. This is one of the greatest gifts parents can give. Resiliency isn’t something that’s automatically handed down to kids; it’s something that must be instilled and molded over time. Planting these seeds now will set your child up for success in their future.
How many parents have said at one point or another, “I wish my child would have come with a users’ manual,”? Nearly every single one.  Nothing can really prepare us for parenthood. No class, no advice, and no user manual can give us the tools we require for raising happy and healthy kids. The truth is, to be good parents requires us to be conscious parents. Mindfulness – It’s Not Just for Meditation Your 8-year-old runs in from the backyard, excited to tell you about the frog he just found in a puddle. Before you even recognize his joy and desire to share that joy with you, you yell because of the mud he just tracked into the house. Was this reaction really warranted? Were you reacting just to the mud on the floor (which can be cleaned), or do you have a need to control everything in your environment at all times? And does this need stem from your own childhood wounds? Often parents react to their children subconsciously. That is, they have a knee-jerk reaction to something their child says or does. This reaction may stem from an event that occurred in their own childhood and, without realizing it, they are having a profound reaction to it instead of to their child’s current behavior. Conscious parenting requires mindfulness, and mindfulness requires a parent to be fully present in the moment. Bringing our full awareness into the ‘now’ can help us recognize the meaning and truth in each moment and make better, healthier decisions. Mindful parents are less likely to have automatic, unexamined reactions to their children’s behavior. Staying present also means parents are less likely to “pop back” into their own childhood traumas and wounds. Getting Started with Conscious Parenting Conscious parenting is easier than it sounds. To start, you’ve got to slow down so you recognize when you are reacting to a present moment authentically and when you are reacting to your own past moment. And speaking of slowing down, try and take a three-second pause before reacting to anything your kid does. This small space will allow you to check yourself. Does the reaction you were about to have match the actual situation? If not, what WERE you reacting to? And finally, forgive yourself for any past parenting errors. We all do the best we can do. As Maya Angelou once said, “When you know better, you do better.” Speaking with a therapist may help you discover old wounds and programming you are parenting from. If you’d like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be very happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Parenting challenges don’t stop just because your child has become an adult. Below are some of the most common challenges that parents face once their child reaches adulthood (ages 22+):  Differences in opinion – Even though your child is now an adult, they’ll always be your baby, and you may feel like you should continue sharing your opinion about all aspects of their life. Unfortunately, when parents continually criticize their child’s decisions regarding jobs, partners, children, and hobbies, it can lead to tension and sometimes even estrangement. Certain issues should still be addressed—for example, abuse and addiction—but otherwise, you may want to consider keeping your opinions to yourself and supporting their choices. Childcare expectations – Many children assume that once they have their own kids, their parents will take on all of the babysitting responsibilities. If you’re on board with that, great! But if you don’t want to commit to regular childcare, kindly communicate that ahead of time to avoid resentment and scheduling conflicts later on. Maintaining connection – This is a challenge commonly faced by parents whose children have moved to another city or state, or even to another country. If regular trips aren’t feasible, try to look for other ways to connect with your kids and grandkids. For instance, rather than simply talking on the phone, try videochatting. And if your grandkids have a hard time focusing on the call, you can incorporate a game like Pictionary or charades. Customized Parenting Tips for Your Adult Child Effectively parenting an adult child can be difficult, to say the least, but you’re not alone. If you’d like to speak with a therapist about the challenges you’re facing and receive personalized parenting tips, contact us today. We’ll gladly schedule a therapy session at a date and time that fits into your schedule.
Separation anxiety disorder causes a person to worry excessively about being separated from someone who’s close to them. For example, someone with this type of anxiety may worry about being separated from a parent or caregiver. This anxiety disorder most commonly affects children. While it’s normal for infants and toddlers to experience separation anxiety, they usually outgrow the issue once they turn 3 years old—if a child continues experiencing separation anxiety after reaching that age, there’s a chance they may have separation anxiety disorder, especially if their worries are intense enough to interfere with routine activities. It’s also important to note that although most cases of separation anxiety disorder occur in children, this condition can also affect teenagers and adults. What Are the Symptoms of Separation Anxiety Disorder? As noted above, the hallmark symptom of separation anxiety disorder is an intense fear of being separated from a loved one. Someone with this type of anxiety may: Constantly worry that they’ll get lost or be kidnapped, or that their loved one will become ill or get into an accident Have nightmares about being separated from their loved one Refuse to leave their loved one’s side (children with this anxiety disorder are often reluctant to sleep in their own bed at night) Experience headaches or stomachaches before having to be separated from their loved one Anxiety Disorder Treatment Near You Are you concerned that you or your child might have separation anxiety disorder? If so, contact us today. We have experience treating many different types of anxiety, and we would love the opportunity to help you take the next step forward with managing anxiety symptoms.
Has your child entered the college years (ages 18 to 22)? Congratulations! This is an exciting time, but it can also bring a whole new set of challenges for parents. Here are a few of the issues that parents commonly face during this stage:  Long distance – If your child is going away to college, you might find yourself missing them and worrying about them, especially if you haven’t spent a significant amount of time apart from them in the past. Try to keep yourself busy with hobbies and friends, and before you know it, your sadness will turn into pride and excitement. College freedom vs. house rules – After your child has been at school all year, you’re probably thrilled to have them return home for the summer, but you might encounter some issues when they move back in. When they were on campus, they had much more freedom than they ever did growing up, so it might be hard for them to readjust. You can still communicate your expectations as far as chores, usage of the family car, and what to do if they’re planning to be home late, but try to be flexible and remember that they’re adults. Academic stress – It’s not uncommon for kids who excelled throughout grade school to become overwhelmed once they enter college. College classes tend to be more difficult than high school courses, and students are also more tempted to go to parties and hang out with friends without their parents’ supervision. Don’t feel like you need to fix every problem—after all, your child needs to learn to figure out solutions on their own—but be sure to teach them time management and self-care practices, and watch out for signs of anxiety and depression. Learn More About Effective Parenting Would you like to receive parenting tips from a professional who specializes in managing children’s behavior? Contact us today. We’ll be happy to schedule a therapy session so that we can begin to discuss the challenges that you’re facing with your college-aged children.
